We all grieve, and the stages of grief we work through are similar. Still, we all have unique experiences with loss and grief. The influencing factors of our experience include who and what we have lost, the significance of that loss to us, our support systems, our values, beliefs, and the cultural influences that lend to our expectations with regard to coping with loss.
Imagine the word grief and what it brings to mind. Is it sadness, weakness, isolation, brokenness, exhaustion, and depression? Now, define for yourself manhood. Do you relate the words independent, strong, resilient, self-controlled, steady, and dependable? If so, how does a man in our culture experience grief and successfully cope with their loss? Too often, men grieve in silence and isolation. As a result of their tendency to suppress their grief, they are more likely to experience a longer period of bereavement. This may not readily be apparent, as some men are perceived to have a shorter grieving period than that of their female counterparts because they are more introverted and less likely to express or demonstrate their pain.
Generally, men who do not openly express their grief or release it will adopt one of the five following coping styles. They will remain silent, engage in solitary grief, take physical or legal action as related to their loss, become immersed in activity or exhibit addictive behaviors. All of which lends to the cultural expectation and their determination to be in control and not vulnerable. In adopting any of these coping methods long-term, you will find yourself stagnating instead of growing through your loss.
Because grief assaults you entirely, physically, emotionally, socially, mentally and spiritually, you can expect all areas, arenas and every detail of your being to be affected. Despite this assault on your being, grief does have the potential to be transformative. It is natural to resist the challenge and despise this transformation. All I hope for you is not to turn this grief inward. Express your dismay, disdain, pain, loss, and suffering to anyone you trust who will share it so that you may once again be restored and renewed.
Manon Joice
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